She doesn't need me anymore...

The day it happens catches you by surprise. One day your child is a baby, looking you to fulfill his or her every need, then one day, without warning, they don't need you anymore. They are suddenly all grown up, standing on their own, making their way in the world. How did this happen or better yet, when?!

Some people will argue that they will always need their mom or they will always need their dad but the truth is, there are times when they don't. For me, that time has happened many times over and I'm sure other parents have felt the same. Heck, I'm pretty sure I put my mom through it more times than she could count if she were still here. Most recently though, it seems as though something has changed. This time feels different from the rest. This time, I've been replaced.

When my daughter left home and got married, there were times when I knew she needed to stand on her own and be her own woman. There were other times though that as a new mom, she needed to hear her mom tell her she was doing the right thing or possibly guide her in the right direction. The calls would come at all times, day and night, whether from another room, across town or several states away. Each call let me know that she still needed me and my guidance in her life. Over time the calls became less frequent as she found her own footing and started raising her family. Every so often, a call would still come with a plea for help. Whether it was potty training, sibling rivalry or just a little one asserting her own independence, they were calls I looked forward to because it was also a time of bonding between me and my daughter.

A few months ago she moved from out of state back home. She lived with me and her step-dad for a few months before eventually settling about seven hours away, not far from the town I grew up in. It also took her closer to her aunt. While I am glad that she has someone to lean on and someone to offer support when she needs it, it's hard because now she also has someone else to go to for advice and guidance. In a way, I've been replaced and I don't like it...not one little bit.

Now I know what you will say. It's not the same and you're her mom, she will always need you. True. I am her mom and I am sure there are times she will still need me, whether it's just to vent or to share a cute baby story but our relationship has shifted. She doesn't need me anymore the way she used to. She now has another female in her life to offer the support and advice that I once offered. Someone to help her along this road we call life. She has someone who lives close by that can sit and chat and listen to all the things that she is facing as a single mom of five little girls. She has someone who is old enough to have life experience, young enough to be an older sister rather than a mom and who is also a single mom so it's someone who can relate to the same hardships she herself is facing. Sounds great right? For her, it is. For me, not so much.

As with everything else, this is another phase of my child's life that I have to accept and move forward. As the mom of three adult children, there have been many decisions and changes over the years that I have not liked but I have had to accept because they are grown and it's their life and their decisions to make. I am sure my mom felt the exact same way many times as she raised me and my sisters and brother. The thing is, most of those decisions you learn to accept and roll with the flow. You don't care for the shaved head but it's his head, his decision. You can't understand why anyone would listen to that music or watch that tv show but once again, their life, their decisions. It's the decisions that directly involve you...or in this case, exclude you...that you have a harder time with. So what do you do?

Well, if you're anything like me, you cry about it; you complain to your spouse,who listens patiently but seriously has no idea why you're so upset; and you blog about it. Why? Because out there somewhere, in the vast sea of people who actually read blogs, is another mom who is going through or has gone through the exact same thing. Somewhere out there is another mom who has devoted everything she has and is to being a mom, only to turn around one day to find that her daughter has turned to another female for advice and guidance. Whether it's a family member, an older friend or possibly a step-mom, another woman has stepped in to fill the shoes we never knew were vacant...and it sucks! But, as moms, we do what we've always done. We dry our tears, put on a happy face and charge forward with the small (albeit slightly evil) consolation that makes it a little better. One day their own kids will be grown and we will get a phone call from a crying mom saying “she doesn't need me anymore”, at which point we will smile and remind ourselves...she does still need me!

Make sure you follow me on twitter @ https://twitter.com/Crazy_Ramblings and like me on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/RamblingsOfACrazyWoman and thanks for taking the time to read my Crazy Ramblings!