Perceptions

A few days ago, my husband Mark and I were driving along when we came up behind a car that was smoking horribly and really did not look safe to be on the road. Mark uttered a comment about the guy needing to fix his car and I concurred. After a couple of minutes I started thinking about it and thought of how quick people are to jump to conclusions based on very little information. We automatically assumed the man driving the car was the owner and that for some unknown reason, simply hadn't taken the time to fix it. As we talked, we started looking at it from a different angle.

How do we know it was even his car? How do we know that he's not a husband and father who has been struggling to simply get by in a poor economy and there is no money for car repairs? How do we know that he didn't just recently purchase the car because it was smoking but he knows it's a minor issue and is taking it for repairs or to repair it himself? Better yet, why does it matter?

We are often quick to make assumptions about people and go on very few details to form an opinion. The mother who is constantly posting on social sites, telling her friends and family how tight money is and isn't sure how they will make it, yet posts a few days later about getting her hair done or going for a massage. We assume that if she weren't spending money on these frivolities, she would't have so many money issues. How do we know she paid to have her hair done or for the massage? Perhaps it was a gift from a friend or family member.

What about the young mother in the grocery store with an unkempt child? We automatically assume she must be a bad mother if she couldn't even take the time to wash the child and dress him or her properly before taking them out. Perhaps she has been caring for a sick loved one and only had a few short minutes to make a run to the store. Perhaps she just picked the child up from a play date and needed to make a quick stop at the store on her way home. Or worse...what if she didn't clean the child and dress them because she has no home to do so. Perhaps she is living in her car or worse, on the streets and is using the few measly dollars she has to purchase food to get through one more day.

It's very easy to make assumptions on people we come into contact with on a daily basis based on nothing more than what we see. Why do we do that? Why do most of us assume the worse rather than giving people the benefit of the doubt? I know I am as guilty as anyone but recently I have found myself trying to be more objective about people that cross my paths.

The guy racing in and out of traffic may be an aggressive driver but he may also be a husband or father that has received an emergency call and is trying desperately to reach his loved ones. The waitress rushing through her shift and not giving customers the attention they need should possibly chose a new profession or maybe she's just a worried mom with a sick child at home. She couldn't afford to call in but can't wait to get back home. The boss who is snapping at employees and being difficult to deal with may just be a jerk or perhaps he is struggling with a personal issue that is slowly tearing him up inside and he simply has no idea of how to deal with it.

Whatever the reason, we have all been that aggressive driver, that distracted employee or the co-worker that snaps at others for no apparent reason. We don't mean to but for some reason beyond our control, something has happened in our lives that consume us and our actions to the point that we don't stop to think how others perceive us. We assume that people somehow know we have some major crisis going on in our lives and should be more understanding. Perhaps we should be more understanding. Rather than allowing our perception of someone to be based on something very simple that's in front of our eyes, we should take the time to think there is more there than what meets the eye. It's like the old saying goes...when you assume, you make an ass of u and me.