Easter in Central Florida dawned bright and beautiful. Well, ummm, I think it did. According to all the FB posts from my friends, it was a beautiful sunrise. I don't know because I was trying to sleep. Trying being the key word in that sentence. You see, this fabulous, beautiful, sunny spring day dawned with me being sick...still! I have been fighting a cold for the past week and late last night it finally settled deep in my head. It's not just your typical change of seasons cold where you get the sniffles, sneeze a little and then go about your merry way as the cold meds kick in. Oh no. This is the "sinuses are clogged, you choke on the vile crap that drains into your throat, coughing, sneezing, aching" kind of cold that makes you just want to pull the covers back over your head and wish the world away. Unfortunately, it's also the kind of cold where you are so miserable all you can do is go deep within yourself and have your very own little pity party of how the rest of the world is having a wonderful, glorious day but your life sucks. Yep...NOW do you feel where I'm coming from?
When I finally stumbled out of bed, I felt a little tingle on my lower lip and couldn't help but groan. Making my way to the bathroom mirror, I confirmed what I already suspected. To add insult to injury, I have a nice little cold sore starting to develop. Yay. By this point I knew getting over this crap and having any semblance of a normal Easter Sunday with ham and potato salad and all the trimmings was not going to happen. So, sucking it up and deciding to make the best of things, I dressed myself (which took some effort I might add), brushed my teeth (more effort), combed my hair (yup, more effort!) and grabbed my purse to head to the store for some cold sore meds. By the time I got back from the store, my spirits were a little brighter so I logged onto FB...and that's where things went downhill.
Let me stop here and make a confession. I'm a cryer. Seriously. For no reason at all...well, seemingly no reason to the casual onlooker...I can just well up with tears and my eyes will overflow. Cute puppies? Yup! Heartwarming greeting card commercials? They're the worst! Pictures of my friends and family enjoying the holiday with their friends and family? O.M.G.! THE absolute worst! And today was no exception. FB was filled with heart-warming Easter messages and pictures of all my friends and family enjoying their day together, while I was sitting on the couch, blowing my stuffy nose. Let the waterworks begin.
Here's the thing...I don't begrudge any of them enjoying this time together. Envious? Absolutely! BUT...I am happy they get to spend days like today with those they love most. I just really wish people would stop a moment and truly appreciate how lucky they are. Now...this next part is going to seem like a "poor pitiful me" and in a way it is but it's because if you look at it from MY view, maybe you will see why I feel the way I do and truly wish people would slow down and savor times with their families.
On days like today, I miss my mom...a lot! I miss everything about her. I miss the way she would cook a huge dinner with ham and potato salad and collard greens and any other number of dishes that struck her fancy. I miss the way she would laugh and get caught up in the excitement that made Easter so exciting for us kids. Sometimes I wonder if maybe she loved the various holidays even more than us kids did. I even miss the way she would get slightly annoyed over us being a little too excited and rambunctious, wanting us to calm down just a little. I miss her.
I also miss my kids. Two of them...my two boys...live close by. I don't get to see them as often as I would like because they are grown now and have lives of their own. Oh, I know if I call and ask, they would come see me but I really don't want to be one of those parents. You know the kind. The one that sits and waits for the kids and grandkids to come by, then when they don't, you call and moan about the fact that you never see them anymore so they are now guilted into not doing something they would truly enjoy doing only to go and visit for a little while. Yeah...that kind. My daughter lives several hours away and while I know she would love to visit, she has a full plate as a single mom and making a weekend just isn't in the cards.
So..while others enjoy their day with their kids and grandkids and extended family members, I live vicariously through them. Watching through this little computer screen as I try to contain the tears of happiness and envy that fall, as their lives are played out before me. I just wish I could tell them to stop and enjoy these moments. Enjoy every single smile and laugh and even tear because you never know when you may spend Easter wishing you could be there with them instead of being miles away, curled up on your couch, blowing your stuffy nose, feeling sorry for yourself.
Happy Easter!!!
